I can’t even believe this year is halfway over already. One of my goals this year was to write more, specifically here for now. I have technically met my goal, and already written more for this site than I did last year. I just haven’t surpassed my own expectations of myself.
My days are filled with tasks I must complete for everyone else in the house. Or in the case of my husband, he has to ask my opinion on every little thing he does. I really don’t think he can survive without me. Note to self** thank my MIL next time I see her (hand to forehead). I was starting to feel like I couldn’t breathe. I’ve gone through these stages before. The responsibility of taking care of multiple other people can be overwhelming, exhausting, and can make you lose your sense of self.
Thankfully I feel a lot better than I did a year ago when I was first diagnosed officially with Hashimoto’s. Now I have the energy to exercise. Unfortunately it’s too hot outside to exercise due to temperature sensitivities that go along with my Hashimoto’s, but I have gotten back into an exercise routine and do at home workouts. I love HIIT Sprints, but I got overly damn ambitious last week and did it too many days which ended up in my back being thrown out. For some reason every time my back messes up, my chiropractor is on vacation. I’ve also continued my yoga practice most days and lift 3/4x a week. A regular exercise routine does wonders for my mood. Making this little bit of time for myself has helped me to not feel as suffocated. Gardening also helps immensely. There’s just something about communing with the dirt and seeing flowers bloom because of you.
We recently sold our wine bar, which has left me with an emptiness. I wasn’t there everyday by any means, but it kept my mind occupied a good bit since I ran the wine program and coordinated special events. As much as I love my children and cherish my ability to stay home with them since they were born I have always yearned to get outside of the house and just be an adult. In the past this has consisted of college classes, fashion styling side hustle, and becoming involved in different organizations. If I can make money doing these things, that’s even better in my eyes. Every bit helps, right?
I’m in the process of reactivating my real estate license. I first started in real estate in 2003 working as an on site agent. Around 2011 I put my license on hold to fully focus on Gabriel’s speech delay. His speech therapy schedule was hectic, and we switched to an all organic diet and all Home Cooked meals to help detox his system (I should remember this topic for another post). My husband has been an excellent provider and never demanded that I work or even suggested it. We agree that we aren’t comfortable with other people raising our children. It’s a scary world. On the flip side, I feel like a hypocrite telling my daughters that they need to make sure they never have to depend on a man for money. Yes, I chose this lifestyle. Yes, having all of this time with the kids is something I’d never trade. Yes, I am totally capable of making money outside of the home. But technically I have been financially dependent on my husband for the most part. It was a strange shift for me, and something I never fully embraced being comfortable with. I mean, I started babysitting at the age of 11 and landed my first “real”job at 14. Mama wants to make money again, and my husband is definitely supportive of that!
There’s no better feeling of independence than making some fat cash. Two months ago getting back into real estate wasn’t even on my mind, but somehow I was just led back to it. Everything has seemingly lined up for me to dive right back in. I start the second series of required classes to reinstate my license on Monday. It feels good to get out of Mom mode and just be Ashley. A huge bonus is that I actually have somewhere to wear my nice clothes to and can break up the monotony of my sports bras, tank tops, and VS Pink sweatpants. Real Estate is a great option for moms because if you work you can definitely make a good living, and it’s flexible.
It’s so easy as a parent to get mired down in the responsibilities of care taking for our little ones. It’s okay to feel that way. You are NOT alone. I think all parents can find something to resonate with in this little essay of mine, but I particularly hope that new Moms and Dads read this. I’m a veteran mother. My coping skills are pretty damn refined at this point. It does get easier, but we ALL have those moments or those days. You don’t have to wait until they go off to college to pay attention to yourself. Don’t lose cite of yourself. Be more than “so and so’s mom” or “so and so’s wife”, be YOU!
Have a fabulous weekend, y’all! At the very least, find some quiet time to enjoy and savor a nice glass of wine. Or smoke something wonderful, if it’s legal of course.